A while ago, I mentioned my story of The Adventures Of Cafeteria Lady and BookWorm. Well, I’ve decided to post some of the first chapter I’m working on to test the waters. To see if it’s funny, and to hear if you have any funny suggestions to add. So, here we go….
Far away, in a small town somewhere in the United States of America there is a high school that holds secret dangers. Secret dangers that can only be defeated by the dedicated superhero known as Cafeteria Lady, who has made it her responsibility to protect the school. With her is her loyal sidekick, BookWorm, who has, in a way, vowed to work along with Cafeteria Lady – or as said in her own words, “to keep her out of too much trouble”.
These are their adventures…
Sunlight streamed through the windows of the crowded cafeteria of Winston Elmore High School. A stocky woman of about six feet was loading French fries into small cups for the students and staff that passed through her line. Her dark, dyed red hair was in a tight bun that felt as if someone was trying to pull her hair out from the scalp.
“Hello, Lily,” said a quiet voice.
Lily looked up from the fries to her best friend, and assistant librarian, Alma Knack.
She smiled wide, “Hey there. How are you?”
“Fine. Not much is going on in the library, so I was able to take lunch early. How about you?”
“Doing good. But after you have lunch we need to meet,” she quickly looked around to make sure no one was listening, “at The Secret Room Of Secrets.”
Alma slightly frowned, “You mean the janitor’s closet? Not again, Lily. I know you have those odd…things, but really.”
“Not ‘things’, super powers! And you have powers, too. Don’t deny it!”
“I don’t! But I won’t abuse them wit-”
Alma was cut off by a loud voice yelling, “Miss VanVenVinVonVunhellsing! How many times do I have to tell you, stop holding up the line!!!”
Lily cringed at hearing the head cafeteria woman screaming her full last name, then she rapidly whispered, “Look, now you got me in trouble. Just meet me at The Secret Room Of Secrets.”
“I didn’t get you in trouble. You were the one talking. I just wanted to,” she paused as Lily rolled her eyes, then walked off to the back of the cafeteria. Then she quietly continued, “say hi.”
But actually, it was kind of Alma’s fault.
“Excuse me?” She asked sharply, looking up at the ceiling.
She could’ve walked away at any time.
“No. No I couldn’t have.”
Yes. Yes she could have.
“That was my friend. I don’t just walk away from friends.”
But apparently Lily VanVenVinVonVunhellsing can easily walk away from her friends.
Alma growled under her breath, then said, “That’s it! I’m done!” Then she stomped off to the end of the line to pay for her food.
* * *
Lily was leaning against the wall of The Secret Room Of Secrets, her hair finally free of the tight bun.
“I’m glad you could make it here.” She said.
“Yeah, well, I didn’t have much of a choice, did I?”
“Don’t be so moody, Alma, we have a true problem on our hands.”
She rolled her eyes, “What is it?”
“The moldy mashed potatoes from two weeks ago are evolving.”
Alma disgustedly wrinkled her nose, “The cafeteria staff keeps mashed potatoes from two weeks ago?”
“Well,” Lily started, “It’s not like that.”
She leaned in, her ice blue eyes looking into Alma’s, “The potatoes are becoming alive!” She, then gripped Alma’s tiny shoulders, “I swear, those things moved some from a few hours ago!”
Just then, the door swung open to reveal a tall, skinny man, the janitor of the school.
“Oh!” He started, his cheeks turning slightly red, “Did I, uh, come at a bad time?”
“Get out of here, Frank!” said Lily sternly.
“Right!” He said a little too loudly, and shut the door.
“Some help you are,” she muttered, looking up.
“You mean, the Narrator?”
“Yeah! What good is an omnipresent narrator who can’t warn us when someone’s coming!?”
He cannot tell all.
“Oh! You can’t talk in first person either, huh!!?” Lily screeched.
He is a third person omnipresent narrator. No first person at all.
“Whatever, you good for nothing-”
She was cut off by the door opening again.
“Um, ladies,” started the janitor, “how long will you be? I need-”
“FRANK!!!” They both yelled in unision.
He quickly closed the door.
“See, we can’t get a heads up?” Asked Lily.
“That is kind of rude,” Alma put in.
And in the distance, there was a cry for help.
“Now you’re changing the subject.”
“Another rude move on your part.”
A true cry of alarm roused our heroes into action.
“Fine, but we’re talking later,” Lily grumbled, then said loudly, “Come, Alma! We must put on our costumes! It’s the moldy mashed potatoes, I know!”
So, tell me what you think. Yay or nay. And don’t forget, if you can give me some suggestions to make it funny.